Give It a Shot

A mostly fictionalized but otherwise verbatim conversation recently had betwixt my mother and myself:

A phone call.  It is dark outside.  The winds are howling.  The dogs are barking.  SON answers his phone.

MOM: Hi honey.

SON: Hi Mom. What’s up?

MOM: Honey, you know what we have to go do next week....?

SON: No. (pause) Do I want to know?

MOM: It won’t take long, but we have to do it.

SON: (looks for an open window)

MOM: We have to get our flu shots.

SON: That’s the phone ringing, Mom.  I have to to go.

MOM: You’re on the phone.  With me.

SON: Oh.

MOM: Honey they said—I saw it on the news just last night, they said—it’s going to be a very bad season for the flu this year.

SON: Mom, I got it last year.  Doesn’t it still count?

MOM: No.  You need it every year.  It doesn’t just stay in you forever.

SON: What if I promise just not to get the flu?

MOM: That doesn’t work.

SON: Where do I have to go?  I work, you know, Mom…

MOM: I know, but saving your life takes no longer than a cigarette break.

SON: I don’t smoke.

MOM: Good, then you already know the importance of staying alive.  Good time for a flu shot!

SON: Send me the dates and I’ll see when I can go.  But I make no promises!

MOM: Do you need anything?  Any blankets?  It’s getting cold out.

SON: I know.  You could get the flu if you’re not careful.

MOM: (chuckles)

SON: Do I get a meal out of this?

MOM: What do you think I’m made of money?  You think money grows on my trees?  (looks out the window) Honey, isn’t it.....so....sad???  Our trees are gone!

SON: Mom, they fell a year ago.

MOM: I know.  It was so sad.  It’s because they didn’t get the flu shot you know!

SON: No, Mom.  No it’s not.

MOM: I’ll buy you lunch but only if you promise to get the shot.

SON: Okay.  But do you promise not to scream when they shoot the needle in my arm?

MOM: Honey, I want you to be okay!  I’m worried about you!  Those shots hurt.

SON: Good, then I won’t get one.

MOM: I’ll send you the dates and walk-in clinics.

SON: I HAVE TO GO TO A CLINIC?!?!

MOM: Honey, do you want to get the flu or don’t you?

SON: Yes.  Yes, I do.  Last year I got the shot and I got sick eight weeks later and lost my voice for a whole month.

MOM: That was wonderful.

SON: FINE!

MOM: Good, honey.  You won’t regret it.  And you won’t get sick from it.  Sure, some people do.  You know, I heard last night on the news—they were saying this on the news last night, yeah—that you can actually get the flu shot and then get the flu!  I couldn’t believe it!

SON: Wonderful.  Can’t wait.

MOM: But you won’t get the flu, honey.

SON: Splendid.  Talk to you later mom.

MOM: Bye, honey.  Be safer knowing you’ll be healthier this season.

SON: Uh huh.

MOM: Love you.

SON: Love you, too.

SON and MOM hang up phone, knowing full well SON will stand MOM up on the date of their pre-scheduled flu shot and MOM will worry for days that his car has swerved into a ditch, causing him not only an untimely death but, unfortunately, another season without the all-important flu shot.

Blackout.

Don’t be an idiot.  Get your flu shot this year.  It could save your life.  Or give you the flu.

The Catholic Health System offers a list of drop-in flu shot stations here.  Most pharmacies and emergency care clinics offer intakes as well.  Take a look in your neighborhood circulars for other locations, or ask your doctor for more information.  It takes just a few minutes and staffers are very kind and eager to get you on your way.  They’ll usually give you a cookie afterward, too.

Photo courtesy this guy.

Posted by on 10/15 at 09:29 AM